Hurry Up and Wait

My favorite saying as a military wife is "Typical Military, Hurry Up and Wait"

For OPSEC reasons (Operation Security) we can't go into much detail, but we are down to counting on our fingers the days until Daddy gets home. Of course that date has changed SEVERAL times and I always say to my in-laws, "I am telling you the date your son is coming home and now that I have told you, expect it to change." Ah... breathe in, breathe out. There is nothing you can do about, so no use fretting over it.

We are busy cleaning, shopping, making signs and picking out our "Welcome Home" dresses. The girls are getting antsy and our minds are busy thinking about Daddy so we can't sleep. I think we are all walking around with a little more spring in our step. I pray adrenaline will get us through.

This weekend the girls and I had a great opportunity to get together with other Air Force families going through this deployment too. We all expressed the pain of the "Hurry Up and Wait" syndrome.

These get togethers are much needed. Many times people think connecting virtually is great, but face time with each other is so beneficial for military families and specifically children. I think it is amazing how there are always kids my daughters ages for them to connect with and there is so much useful information about coping that us adults share with each other. I have been a military wife for 10+ years and I still learn something from my peers every time we get together.

I want to suggest to anyone who knows of a military family who is going through a deployment and they feel alone to encourage them to get involved with their FRG or with another military family in their community. To those in the military, encourage and support military families to get together and build relationships with each other.

Guess who I've become?

During deployments we become many different things to our kids. We take on duties our spouse normally takes care of... some of them are easy to do, others not so much.

Garbage duty...check!
Take out the cat litter...check!
Dishwasher...check!
Enforcer of the house rules... check!
Cards and game player... I AM LEARNING!!!!!!!

You see, I am not real fond of board games and I really do not like cards at all so this is a big step for me. Recently I have played the Ladybug Game, Domino's, and tonight Guess Who? with my girls.

I am finding that even an extra 10 minutes alone with the girls one on one seems to make things a little better in their world, playing games is one way we are doing that. I read about doing this in a book about "coping with deployment" that I got from my local Family Assistance Center here in Brooklyn Park. 

My girls mentioned awhile ago that I am "no fun" when Daddy is gone, everything is rules rules rules. I think it really helps us reconnect in a fun way.

What things have you done to connect with your kids in a positive or fun way?

Memorial Day

While many are out this weekend celebrating their long holiday weekend with a trip to the lake or golf course, my heart will be a little heavy missing my hubby. These patriotic holidays are difficult when your loved one is away and yet I think of those whose loved one is gone from this earthly home. For me I think of a family from my small hometown.

I grew up in a hardworking, blue color, farming community with less the 2,000 people. We loved 4-H and FFA. We loved Friday night football games and weekend wrestling meets. In High School and Middle School we were required as band students to play at the annual Memorial Day Service. Everyone knew everybody and there were large families who were a part of all of that... the Eustice's, the Borneke's, the Jewison's, I could go on and on, but I will stop with one... The Fasnacht's. I always think of them on Memorial Day as they paid the ultimate sacrifice by losing a son, brother and husband Mike in the war in Iraq in 2005. He was only 25 years old. Our whole community morned with them.

Wherever you are this weekend, take moment to pause and think of Mike and all the other young men who died to preserve your freedom. Honor them by removing your hat and taking a moment of silence with that group of golf buddies you are with, fly your flag at half mast until Noon on Memorial Day, plant some red white and blue flowers in your garden, tie a yellow ribbon around a tree in your yard.

Do something to honor them...they did something pretty special for you.

Article written on 1st Lt Michael J Fasnacht:
http://militarytimes.com/valor/army-1st-lt-michael-j-fasnacht/907868

"What you focus on is what grows."

I attended the new "Key Volunteer" training at the Airwing today. You see in the Army they have FRG's or Family Readiness Groups. In the Air Force we have a new program called "Key Volunteer or Key Spouse" program. Commanders of the various squadrons (squadrons are like units in the Army) appoint Key Volunteers to lead their vision of family support programming.

At our training today we met with Mary Sullivan who is the Director of Mental Health on base. I really liked something she said today and want to share it here...

"What you focus on is what grows."

I had a serious "ah ha" moment when she said that... if you focus on what you can't do and if you focus on the negative, you will continue to feel negative and just see the things you can't do.

My hubby has a thought about staying home sick from school or work. If you stay home, you continue to feel ill and down and lazy and won't get as much done, sometimes you need to just get up and get dressed and then you feel better. I think this goes with what Mary was talking about. If you focus on the things that make you feel bad, you will just feel worse!

To add some humor to this... Does this mean if I focus on the piles of clean laundry, the clothes will magically get clean and grow more piles for me to fold???  That being said...I think you know what I am doing with the rest of my evening.

Celebrate the Little Things!

This week we celebrated "Half Way Through Deployment Day" with a special treat... a DQ Cake. After a long overdue trip to the gym, we stopped on the way home at DQ, I told the girls they had to wait for just a minute while I picked up something special for them. I got in the car with the cake and explained to them we had made it half way through Daddy's deployment and we should celebrate! The cheered and were so excited!

Through all of this I have learned we need to celebrate the little things. I celebrated tonight that my father in law watered my garden for me when he dropped off the girls from soccer, that Coburn's Delivers will drop off my groceries tomorrow morning.  I had some struggles last week, the garage door opener was having issues and I had a flat tire, I tried to stay positive and celebrate that a simple reset for the garage opener and tire patch was all it took. Whew...

Stay focused on the positive things, no matter how big or little they are...you'll be glad you did!



Mother's Day Week

We celebrate Mother's Day at the end of this week...I have a lot of gratitude and love for my Mom. I think this quote capture's the feelings I have looking back on my childhood:

"I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me." Antonia Villaraigosa

I always new my Mom loved me, she still does, says it every time I talk to her. She hugged me frequently as a child and still does every time I see her. I think she rocked me and read me stories till I was almost a teenager. She believed in me. She encouraged me to do anything I was interested in and when things didn't go the way I expected, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, sometimes with a good cry and we moved on. She also sent the BEST letters to me at camp and college and she carries this on by sending my husband a card every week while he is in a different kind of camp!

She encourage me to be involved...just how did she do that? She was involved herself. From taking someone a meal when they were sick or grieving, working the church funerals, teaching Sunday School, volunteering at school and the nursing home,  planting flowers just about everywhere they were needed and hauling me to just about every 4-H function, concert and sporting event. She was there... she was present. That alone made me believe I could do it, whatever it might be.

This week I am honored to be awarded the Annual NW Hennepin Human Services Council "Invest in the NW" Volunteer Award. I couldn't believe another Mom in my life that I look up to so much, Gerry Gibbs with the BPPD (also a Blue Star Mom) would nominate me for this. I am so blessed that Mom and Gerry will be both attending the luncheon with me.  I feel so humbled and honored to get this award because I grew up doing things because they needed to be done and in the spirit of caring. You never did anything to receive the accolades that went with it. That was a very important lesson Mom taught me.

I want to send out a big thank you to some special Mom's in my life. First to the Blue Star Mom's...Military Moms can be the rock for many of us Military Wives. They support us, guide us, and help us raise our children while their father's are off at military training and deployments. I also want to thank the Daycare Mom's and Teacher Mom's... they are pretty amazing too!

Make sure to tell that special "Mom" in your life, thank you this week. You will feel glad you did!



Presidential Visit

What do you get when the President visits your husband's base and you see your hubby on MSNBC and on the Washington Post website?

One proud wife and two proud daughters! We love you honey!!

To view the President's full remarks to the Troops visit:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/05/01/remarks-president-troops-afghanistan

To view the photo gallery from the Washington Post visit:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/obamas-surprise-visit-to-afghanistan/2012/05/01/gIQABpeyuT_gallery.html#photo=1 )

Military Brats

As the month of the military child comes to a close, I pause to reflect on the military brats in my household.  Over the past 6 weeks, we have had a lot of good times. We have had dance recitals and first communions, play dates, purchased gear for sports, done homework (lots of it), read bed time stories, camped in the living room (see picture above) gone for walks and bike rides, road tripped across town to a favorite taco place just to get out of the house... as you can see we have been quite busy.

The hardest part of being a military wife for me is helping my children cope with Daddy being away. You see it is easy to stay strong for yourself, but it is so hard to stay strong for your babies too. It breaks my heart when they won't go to bed because they miss Daddy. It hurts when I see them angry because they don't understand why they are feeling the things they are feeling.

While virtual places (Facebook, Virtual FRG, etc...) are great places for us adults to connect, our kids need that face to face interaction with others to know they are not alone. I want to encourage MN military families to get involved with some programming we have here... ADAPT, Operation Military Kids, National Guard Youth Camp. Get your kids connected to other military kids at camps or through your FRG friends, check the State Beyond the Yellow Ribbon website for camps and other activities. I do wish there was more "regular" programming here in MN for elementary school age children, a lot seems geared towards teens. At the same time, I see how far military youth programming has come in the past 10 years and I am amazed at the progress we have made!

To all of you who are helping with my kids... having us for play dates, sharing a meal with us, picking them up and dropping them off, taking them to movies and McDonald's, and all the extra hugs you have shared... I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Lastly, here are a few books that have helped us. Check Amazon.com or your local Family Assistance Center if you would like a copy of these books:
- Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut
- A Very Long Time by Geri Timperley and Nikki Arro
- 100 Days and 99 Nights by Alan Madison
- A Handbook for Family and Friends of Service Members, Before During and After Deployment by Vulcan Productions and PBS

What to do and say when you are "dateless"?

I recently was feeling overwhelmed and sad with some events I have coming up that I needed to attend and didn't really feel like attending because I would be "dateless".  Hubby must have been feeling me pulling on his heartstrings that day because he called me on our "non-scheduled phone call day".

You see, once you have been married or in a relationship with the same person for a third of your life, it doesn't seem normal to go to these special events without them... frankly doing a lot of things doesn't feel normal...like going to church, going to your favorite lunch spot, even going to bed...you get the picture.

I think the hardest part about going to these events is explaining to everyone, "No, I don't get to talk to my husband everyday, Skype isn't all it's cracked up to be, yes I am okay, but I stay strong for my children."

What makes these events easier are great friends who call and offer to drive you, skip the event with you or offer to babysit the kids while you go. These friends are priceless!!

Hubby reminded me it is very normal to feel sad and lonely and it is OKAY to decline that invitation to that special event coming up. It is NOT okay to ignore that these events are happening though, these events mean something to someone... So that is the balance we try to create during deployments, honor events and occasions in a way we are comfortable with while making sure we gently let others understand our absence.

Ever done something you didn't think you could?

Today's blog is meant to be interactive...

please leave your answer below in the comments section if you like:

Have you ever done something either during deployment or

another time in your life you never thought you could do?

My old glider didn't survive winter. It will soon be going in the fire pit. With that being said, yesterday I got the Sunday paper and saw a great glider for my patio on sale.  Problem is, yours truly is not very mechanical and the new glider came in a box, not even close to being assembled. Never fear, with the help of my two darlings and one trusty neighbor, we followed the instructions and got it assembled with hardly a hassle, in under two hours!

Sometimes it is these small victory's that empower us and keep us going.

How did 9/11 change your life?

This post is in response to a question I got on Facebook for me to answer here on my blog.  Please feel free to drop me a line with something you want me to check out for you, dig a little further into or just a question about life (military or otherwise) you want me to answer. So, here it goes...

"How did 9/11 change my life?" and "Tell me more about you and your hubby."

When Hubby enlisted in the MN Army National Guard as a Forward Observer in the Field Artillery he was a 22 year old young man with no family and no girlfriend. He did have a good job, but was looking to be a part of something bigger than himself. (At least that is what he has said in the past.) What do you get when you sign up to scout out enemy positions and call in the heavy guns? A big pay bonus. Hubby and I met after he returned home from basic training.

Fast forward a few years, we have a daughter and we are planning a wedding for September 29, 2001. I had moved home to J-town for the month before the wedding to finish up plans and Dr D had given me a job working for him like I use to do during high school/college. So, on 9/11/01 I was on my way from the family farm into Dr D's chiropratic office to open up for the day and I get a call from soon to be Hubby, telling me about what he was seeing/hearing in the news. I knew our lives had changed, not how, but I knew they had changed. We discussed going to the JOP to get married because we were so worried he was going to ship out, but we just waited it out and got married a few short weeks later on 9/29/01. It was a beautiful day. We had an open bar that night and since drinks were free we asked friends and family to put in a donation for the American Red Cross. We raised over $1000.

In the summer of 2003 with a 2 1/2 year old running around a home we had been in less than a year, Hubby deployed to Europe on a security forces mission for 9 months. Many of us call that the "European Vacation Deployment" now looking back at it. After being deployed to Europe and getting switched between units because of promotions, Hubby missed going to Iraq twice. That was enough for us, we knew someone bigger was looking out for us.

After 6 years in the MN Army National Guard, we made the switch to the MN Air National Guard and Hubby hung up his machine gun and compass and picked up sheetmetal tools to fix C-130's. You may wonder, why do you say "we made the switch". I am blessed with a husband who doesn't make life changing decisions without including his wife in the process and vise versa. We are team. When that enlistment was up with the Army, I said to Hubby, "I can support you being in the military for however long you want, but I don't think I am strong enough to know you are out their scouting out the Taliban." Hubby decided to put family first in his eyes and make a switch to a non-combat MOS (job description to the civi's out there). Baby #2 came two weeks before Hubby enlisted in the Air Guard.

Looking back on the past 10 years since 9/11, I feel I am a stronger Wife and Mom because of my experiences as a military wife, I do things I don't think I can. I feel "blessed and highly favored" with all the large military family I have gained along our journey. I cry during the singing of the National Anthem and "God Bless America", not because I am sad, but because I am proud to be an American.

Gratitude

My sister and I attended a taping of Oprah's Lifeclass with special guest Bishop TD Jakes in St Louis recently and we were able to watch it on the OWN Network last night.  The theme was "Are you living your life on purpose?" This morning I took out the notes I took then and compared them to my thoughts from watching the show back last night. One message seemed to resonate with me both times...

"Gratitude is a hate changer"- Bishop TD Jakes

Recently I found myself feeling angry because I don't have my Army FRG (Family Readiness Group) friends to meet with every month like the last deployment. (My husband was Army Guard for 6 years and has now been Air Guard for 7 years.) We don't have an FRG in the Air National Guard. I kept thinking to myself, "I am so mad I don't have my old FRG."

After hearing "Gratitude is a hate changer" and watching the Lifeclass and Oprah's Next Chapter with Bishop Jakes, I had my a-ha moment with all of this. It dawned on me... "be grateful for the support you have and take a look at the support you have girl!"

Bishop TD Jakes talks about the miracle of Jesus feeding thousands with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread from Mark 6:41. Jesus took the bread and gave thanks. He then broke the bread and fed the thousands. Bishop Jakes highlights the fact the Jesus says a prayer of thanks and blessing for the food which was not enough to feed the thousands. Bishop Jakes makes the next statement which really hit home with me, "Until you can be thankful for something that is not enough, then what you have cannot be multiplied into what is more than enough."

So with that... I want to encourage you to use Gratitude in your journey of life. When we turn our hearts to gratitude, we change our outlooks and attitudes, it really is a hate changer.

I have heard some people use a Daily Gratitude Journal. The concept is simple, everyday right down one thing in which you are grateful for, no matter how big or small that thing is. I picked up this book, "For this I am Grateful" a few months ago. I like to read it when I am not feeling so great about my life. It is a great reminder of the simple things in life that I have to be grateful for.

What am I thankful for? I am thankful for the support network I have right here in my community. I have my Yellow Ribbon Network, community members, family and friends surrounding us with support, prayer and love. This might sound silly, but I am thankful for technology so I can IM, E-mail and Facebook with new friends and stay connect to old friends for support.

May the Lord Give You Peace

My hubby and I both grew up Minnesota Lutheran.... I imagine between the two of us, we have heard the following blessing thousands of times as it is a traditional closing for Lutheran services. I hope this blessing gives you comfort and peace. 

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

The image above is from our home of worship here in Brooklyn Park.

April is the "Month of the Military Child"

People say to me, "This deployment must be easier than last time because your girls are older and can help out around the house." While that is true, it is emotionally more difficult too.

You see Miss E is wiser than her 11 years and now understands what it means to "go to war". She not only misses her Daddy, but I can tell she worries about him too. Last time Daddy deployed, she was mearly 3 years old and had no concept of time. My favorite story to tell is when we went to visit Daddy over in England. Miss E and I get off the plane, make our way through customs and the first thing she says when she sees her Daddy is, "Yesterday you and your Army Dude friends got on a bus and went to England!" In reality it had been over 4 months.

Now Miss N is a total Daddy's girl and just misses her Daddy. She misses the Daddy who gets up at 7 AM with her on the weekends and cooks pancakes. I can't make them, I have tried for over 10 years and I just can't make them. She misses the Daddy who makes up silly songs with her. Last time Daddy was gone, she was 8 months old, now she is old enough to express her emotions of missing her Daddy.

So, now that I have shared all this sadness... let's get to the positive right? Nothing breaks my heart more than when my girls cry at night for their Daddy, but nothing makes me prouder than to see how my girls have started to bond closer together and help each other out. I may even say they are beginning to gang up on me at times! They continue to do well in school and we work hard at being the best we can to make Daddy proud of us.

April is considered the "Month of the Military Child". We take time in April to think about how military kids cope and support them all we can. I am asking everyone to wear purple a week from today on FRIDAY, APRIL 13th in honor of all military kids. You may ask why purple? When an events supports all branches of service, we like to say it is PURPLE, not Air Force Blue or Army Green, etc...

Do you need support for your military kid? You are not alone. Remember that!
1. Reach out to your local Unit or Airwing, your local FRG, your Yellow Ribbon Network or Family Assistance Center, it is OK to ask for help!!!
2. Sesame Street Workshop offers wonderful tools for communicating with kids of all ages before/during/after deployments. Many printable and letter writing tools. Link for this is on the side bar of this blog.
3. Reach out our to your local school counselor and get them involved with the "Took Kit" available through the National Guard Youth programs office. (www.btyr.org)

If you are looking for ways to support military kids... here are a few ideas:
1. When you stop to tell Mom or Dad, "Thank you for your service." ...tell the kids, "Thank you for your service too!"
2. RESPITE CARE is a tremendous need for military families. Offer to take the kids for the night, do something as simple as bake cookies with them, take them to McD's, or a picnic in the park and let Mom or Dad have the evening off.
3. If you would like to donate $ to an organization consider Operation Military Kids, Flat Daddies or many other groups that provide activities and support to military kids.

Lastly... remember to WEAR PURPLE on Friday, April 13th and share your pictures via your own blogs and Facebook pages to get the word out to the world that we join together to support the smallest of heroes... MILITARY KIDS!

Visit http://www.btyr.org/events-a-deals for more information on "Purple Up" for Military Kids on Friday, April 13th.

Just getting started!

Well... this is my first post... never thought I would be a person to have a blog!

I hope this is a place for all my military friends to share how we stay strong while our loved ones are away and for my non-military friends to learn more about how we do it and how you can support us...whether it is for a weekend drill or for a 15 month deployment (or longer!) Let's support each other positively! I hope to share resources and ideas that I get from my life experiences and my greater military family.

Here is my first real "light bulb went on" moment during our current deployment:

I recently had some time with my high school girlfriends for our annual "Girls Night Out". One of them asked me "How do I do it during a deployment?" My response was, "You know, I have a choice every morning when I wake up, I can be sad and miss my husband and be miserable or I can be strong and proud for him, my children, and myself." It is a choice I have to make everyday.

That doesn't mean I don't have times when I cry or get angry... but we have to learn something from those feelings. I find I have those feelings when I am alone and fearful. Tony Robbins (Check him out on Oprah's new show, "Lifeclass" on OWN) recently said on Monday night's Lifeclass, "When we fear something, it is because we are thinking about ourselves."

I challenge you to not be fearful or scared... think of others and how you can help them through deployments or other life situations. Whether it is your children, your spouse, your coworker, or a friend... when you start thinking of others, things are not so scary. By helping others and reaching out to others, you help yourself. Surround yourself with loving and caring people and think about how your actions (or reactions) affect them too.

Here is a link to Oprah's Lifeclass on OWN
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass.html