Memorial Day

While many are out this weekend celebrating their long holiday weekend with a trip to the lake or golf course, my heart will be a little heavy missing my hubby. These patriotic holidays are difficult when your loved one is away and yet I think of those whose loved one is gone from this earthly home. For me I think of a family from my small hometown.

I grew up in a hardworking, blue color, farming community with less the 2,000 people. We loved 4-H and FFA. We loved Friday night football games and weekend wrestling meets. In High School and Middle School we were required as band students to play at the annual Memorial Day Service. Everyone knew everybody and there were large families who were a part of all of that... the Eustice's, the Borneke's, the Jewison's, I could go on and on, but I will stop with one... The Fasnacht's. I always think of them on Memorial Day as they paid the ultimate sacrifice by losing a son, brother and husband Mike in the war in Iraq in 2005. He was only 25 years old. Our whole community morned with them.

Wherever you are this weekend, take moment to pause and think of Mike and all the other young men who died to preserve your freedom. Honor them by removing your hat and taking a moment of silence with that group of golf buddies you are with, fly your flag at half mast until Noon on Memorial Day, plant some red white and blue flowers in your garden, tie a yellow ribbon around a tree in your yard.

Do something to honor them...they did something pretty special for you.

Article written on 1st Lt Michael J Fasnacht:
http://militarytimes.com/valor/army-1st-lt-michael-j-fasnacht/907868

"What you focus on is what grows."

I attended the new "Key Volunteer" training at the Airwing today. You see in the Army they have FRG's or Family Readiness Groups. In the Air Force we have a new program called "Key Volunteer or Key Spouse" program. Commanders of the various squadrons (squadrons are like units in the Army) appoint Key Volunteers to lead their vision of family support programming.

At our training today we met with Mary Sullivan who is the Director of Mental Health on base. I really liked something she said today and want to share it here...

"What you focus on is what grows."

I had a serious "ah ha" moment when she said that... if you focus on what you can't do and if you focus on the negative, you will continue to feel negative and just see the things you can't do.

My hubby has a thought about staying home sick from school or work. If you stay home, you continue to feel ill and down and lazy and won't get as much done, sometimes you need to just get up and get dressed and then you feel better. I think this goes with what Mary was talking about. If you focus on the things that make you feel bad, you will just feel worse!

To add some humor to this... Does this mean if I focus on the piles of clean laundry, the clothes will magically get clean and grow more piles for me to fold???  That being said...I think you know what I am doing with the rest of my evening.

Celebrate the Little Things!

This week we celebrated "Half Way Through Deployment Day" with a special treat... a DQ Cake. After a long overdue trip to the gym, we stopped on the way home at DQ, I told the girls they had to wait for just a minute while I picked up something special for them. I got in the car with the cake and explained to them we had made it half way through Daddy's deployment and we should celebrate! The cheered and were so excited!

Through all of this I have learned we need to celebrate the little things. I celebrated tonight that my father in law watered my garden for me when he dropped off the girls from soccer, that Coburn's Delivers will drop off my groceries tomorrow morning.  I had some struggles last week, the garage door opener was having issues and I had a flat tire, I tried to stay positive and celebrate that a simple reset for the garage opener and tire patch was all it took. Whew...

Stay focused on the positive things, no matter how big or little they are...you'll be glad you did!



Mother's Day Week

We celebrate Mother's Day at the end of this week...I have a lot of gratitude and love for my Mom. I think this quote capture's the feelings I have looking back on my childhood:

"I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me." Antonia Villaraigosa

I always new my Mom loved me, she still does, says it every time I talk to her. She hugged me frequently as a child and still does every time I see her. I think she rocked me and read me stories till I was almost a teenager. She believed in me. She encouraged me to do anything I was interested in and when things didn't go the way I expected, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, sometimes with a good cry and we moved on. She also sent the BEST letters to me at camp and college and she carries this on by sending my husband a card every week while he is in a different kind of camp!

She encourage me to be involved...just how did she do that? She was involved herself. From taking someone a meal when they were sick or grieving, working the church funerals, teaching Sunday School, volunteering at school and the nursing home,  planting flowers just about everywhere they were needed and hauling me to just about every 4-H function, concert and sporting event. She was there... she was present. That alone made me believe I could do it, whatever it might be.

This week I am honored to be awarded the Annual NW Hennepin Human Services Council "Invest in the NW" Volunteer Award. I couldn't believe another Mom in my life that I look up to so much, Gerry Gibbs with the BPPD (also a Blue Star Mom) would nominate me for this. I am so blessed that Mom and Gerry will be both attending the luncheon with me.  I feel so humbled and honored to get this award because I grew up doing things because they needed to be done and in the spirit of caring. You never did anything to receive the accolades that went with it. That was a very important lesson Mom taught me.

I want to send out a big thank you to some special Mom's in my life. First to the Blue Star Mom's...Military Moms can be the rock for many of us Military Wives. They support us, guide us, and help us raise our children while their father's are off at military training and deployments. I also want to thank the Daycare Mom's and Teacher Mom's... they are pretty amazing too!

Make sure to tell that special "Mom" in your life, thank you this week. You will feel glad you did!



Presidential Visit

What do you get when the President visits your husband's base and you see your hubby on MSNBC and on the Washington Post website?

One proud wife and two proud daughters! We love you honey!!

To view the President's full remarks to the Troops visit:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/05/01/remarks-president-troops-afghanistan

To view the photo gallery from the Washington Post visit:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/obamas-surprise-visit-to-afghanistan/2012/05/01/gIQABpeyuT_gallery.html#photo=1 )

Military Brats

As the month of the military child comes to a close, I pause to reflect on the military brats in my household.  Over the past 6 weeks, we have had a lot of good times. We have had dance recitals and first communions, play dates, purchased gear for sports, done homework (lots of it), read bed time stories, camped in the living room (see picture above) gone for walks and bike rides, road tripped across town to a favorite taco place just to get out of the house... as you can see we have been quite busy.

The hardest part of being a military wife for me is helping my children cope with Daddy being away. You see it is easy to stay strong for yourself, but it is so hard to stay strong for your babies too. It breaks my heart when they won't go to bed because they miss Daddy. It hurts when I see them angry because they don't understand why they are feeling the things they are feeling.

While virtual places (Facebook, Virtual FRG, etc...) are great places for us adults to connect, our kids need that face to face interaction with others to know they are not alone. I want to encourage MN military families to get involved with some programming we have here... ADAPT, Operation Military Kids, National Guard Youth Camp. Get your kids connected to other military kids at camps or through your FRG friends, check the State Beyond the Yellow Ribbon website for camps and other activities. I do wish there was more "regular" programming here in MN for elementary school age children, a lot seems geared towards teens. At the same time, I see how far military youth programming has come in the past 10 years and I am amazed at the progress we have made!

To all of you who are helping with my kids... having us for play dates, sharing a meal with us, picking them up and dropping them off, taking them to movies and McDonald's, and all the extra hugs you have shared... I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Lastly, here are a few books that have helped us. Check Amazon.com or your local Family Assistance Center if you would like a copy of these books:
- Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut
- A Very Long Time by Geri Timperley and Nikki Arro
- 100 Days and 99 Nights by Alan Madison
- A Handbook for Family and Friends of Service Members, Before During and After Deployment by Vulcan Productions and PBS

What to do and say when you are "dateless"?

I recently was feeling overwhelmed and sad with some events I have coming up that I needed to attend and didn't really feel like attending because I would be "dateless".  Hubby must have been feeling me pulling on his heartstrings that day because he called me on our "non-scheduled phone call day".

You see, once you have been married or in a relationship with the same person for a third of your life, it doesn't seem normal to go to these special events without them... frankly doing a lot of things doesn't feel normal...like going to church, going to your favorite lunch spot, even going to bed...you get the picture.

I think the hardest part about going to these events is explaining to everyone, "No, I don't get to talk to my husband everyday, Skype isn't all it's cracked up to be, yes I am okay, but I stay strong for my children."

What makes these events easier are great friends who call and offer to drive you, skip the event with you or offer to babysit the kids while you go. These friends are priceless!!

Hubby reminded me it is very normal to feel sad and lonely and it is OKAY to decline that invitation to that special event coming up. It is NOT okay to ignore that these events are happening though, these events mean something to someone... So that is the balance we try to create during deployments, honor events and occasions in a way we are comfortable with while making sure we gently let others understand our absence.