9/11 Twelve Years Later

It's been quite sometime since I last posted. A year actually! Where does that time go?

Hubby has been home a year now and since then life is slowly but surely getting back to normal. Although, I truly think we live with a new and different normal than we did 15 months ago. Time spent together as a family is more precious, we have less time for the "not so important things" and I think both hubby and I have felt more of a pull to make a difference in the lives of veterans and their families in our community.

Since hubby came home last year, I had the opportunity to visit the Pentagon to speak out for our State Beyond the Yellow Ribbon Program and how our program could be emulated throughout the nation and benefit so many other states and communities. While there this February, we visited the National 9/11 Memorial which is outside the Pentagon and we had the chance to visit the 9/11 Memorial Chapel inside the Pentagon.

I will admit, I am a sap. A lot of things make me cry, but not very often war memorials. I think I look at them with curiosity and want to learn all the history and  facts about them, sometimes this makes me miss the larger meaning. Well, that was not the case at the Pentagon Memorial Chapel.

I was visiting the Pentagon Memorial Chapel with the MN National Guard team I traveled with, one of them a soldier who has deployed since 9/11. The people who were working in the area of the Pentagon where the Chapel now is took a direct hit on 9/11. You can look out the window and image seeing a plane coming right for you. The chapel is quiet and somber, yet graceful in its tribute to those who died that day. Many who died were servicemembers, just like my friend visiting with me and that made it very personal for me. The Pentagon itself is a living tribute to our Armed Forces and so many quilts and paintings honoring 9/11 were given to the Pentagon that they rotate out the displays. It is amazing.

Outside at the National 9/11 Memorial are benches.  Each signifying a person who was lost on 9/11, either in the Pentagon or on the jet and those lost are put in rows according to birth year. Children to adults were lost that day and it is overwhelming to see and imagine that someone the same age as you was lost in those awful attacks.

Before my recent visit to DC, 9/11 always felt like something that happened to our nation, not to me, even though it affected me because I married a solider on 9/29/2001. After visiting the Pentagon Memorials and now this Twelfth Anniversary of those horrible attacks is here, I can feel that this has personally impacted me. I never really understood that, now I do.  I reflect on all the wonderful friendships I have made because of this one event, I wouldn't have been able to meet all these amazing kindred spirits without the deployments we have endured. I reflect on the lives lost and the lives changed forever because of the attacks. Most of all, I am grateful for what matters most, my family and our freedom.

To learn more about the National 9/11 Memorial and the 9/11 Memorial Chapel at the Pentagon please visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagon_Memorial

Hurry Up and Wait

My favorite saying as a military wife is "Typical Military, Hurry Up and Wait"

For OPSEC reasons (Operation Security) we can't go into much detail, but we are down to counting on our fingers the days until Daddy gets home. Of course that date has changed SEVERAL times and I always say to my in-laws, "I am telling you the date your son is coming home and now that I have told you, expect it to change." Ah... breathe in, breathe out. There is nothing you can do about, so no use fretting over it.

We are busy cleaning, shopping, making signs and picking out our "Welcome Home" dresses. The girls are getting antsy and our minds are busy thinking about Daddy so we can't sleep. I think we are all walking around with a little more spring in our step. I pray adrenaline will get us through.

This weekend the girls and I had a great opportunity to get together with other Air Force families going through this deployment too. We all expressed the pain of the "Hurry Up and Wait" syndrome.

These get togethers are much needed. Many times people think connecting virtually is great, but face time with each other is so beneficial for military families and specifically children. I think it is amazing how there are always kids my daughters ages for them to connect with and there is so much useful information about coping that us adults share with each other. I have been a military wife for 10+ years and I still learn something from my peers every time we get together.

I want to suggest to anyone who knows of a military family who is going through a deployment and they feel alone to encourage them to get involved with their FRG or with another military family in their community. To those in the military, encourage and support military families to get together and build relationships with each other.

Guess who I've become?

During deployments we become many different things to our kids. We take on duties our spouse normally takes care of... some of them are easy to do, others not so much.

Garbage duty...check!
Take out the cat litter...check!
Dishwasher...check!
Enforcer of the house rules... check!
Cards and game player... I AM LEARNING!!!!!!!

You see, I am not real fond of board games and I really do not like cards at all so this is a big step for me. Recently I have played the Ladybug Game, Domino's, and tonight Guess Who? with my girls.

I am finding that even an extra 10 minutes alone with the girls one on one seems to make things a little better in their world, playing games is one way we are doing that. I read about doing this in a book about "coping with deployment" that I got from my local Family Assistance Center here in Brooklyn Park. 

My girls mentioned awhile ago that I am "no fun" when Daddy is gone, everything is rules rules rules. I think it really helps us reconnect in a fun way.

What things have you done to connect with your kids in a positive or fun way?

Memorial Day

While many are out this weekend celebrating their long holiday weekend with a trip to the lake or golf course, my heart will be a little heavy missing my hubby. These patriotic holidays are difficult when your loved one is away and yet I think of those whose loved one is gone from this earthly home. For me I think of a family from my small hometown.

I grew up in a hardworking, blue color, farming community with less the 2,000 people. We loved 4-H and FFA. We loved Friday night football games and weekend wrestling meets. In High School and Middle School we were required as band students to play at the annual Memorial Day Service. Everyone knew everybody and there were large families who were a part of all of that... the Eustice's, the Borneke's, the Jewison's, I could go on and on, but I will stop with one... The Fasnacht's. I always think of them on Memorial Day as they paid the ultimate sacrifice by losing a son, brother and husband Mike in the war in Iraq in 2005. He was only 25 years old. Our whole community morned with them.

Wherever you are this weekend, take moment to pause and think of Mike and all the other young men who died to preserve your freedom. Honor them by removing your hat and taking a moment of silence with that group of golf buddies you are with, fly your flag at half mast until Noon on Memorial Day, plant some red white and blue flowers in your garden, tie a yellow ribbon around a tree in your yard.

Do something to honor them...they did something pretty special for you.

Article written on 1st Lt Michael J Fasnacht:
http://militarytimes.com/valor/army-1st-lt-michael-j-fasnacht/907868

"What you focus on is what grows."

I attended the new "Key Volunteer" training at the Airwing today. You see in the Army they have FRG's or Family Readiness Groups. In the Air Force we have a new program called "Key Volunteer or Key Spouse" program. Commanders of the various squadrons (squadrons are like units in the Army) appoint Key Volunteers to lead their vision of family support programming.

At our training today we met with Mary Sullivan who is the Director of Mental Health on base. I really liked something she said today and want to share it here...

"What you focus on is what grows."

I had a serious "ah ha" moment when she said that... if you focus on what you can't do and if you focus on the negative, you will continue to feel negative and just see the things you can't do.

My hubby has a thought about staying home sick from school or work. If you stay home, you continue to feel ill and down and lazy and won't get as much done, sometimes you need to just get up and get dressed and then you feel better. I think this goes with what Mary was talking about. If you focus on the things that make you feel bad, you will just feel worse!

To add some humor to this... Does this mean if I focus on the piles of clean laundry, the clothes will magically get clean and grow more piles for me to fold???  That being said...I think you know what I am doing with the rest of my evening.

Celebrate the Little Things!

This week we celebrated "Half Way Through Deployment Day" with a special treat... a DQ Cake. After a long overdue trip to the gym, we stopped on the way home at DQ, I told the girls they had to wait for just a minute while I picked up something special for them. I got in the car with the cake and explained to them we had made it half way through Daddy's deployment and we should celebrate! The cheered and were so excited!

Through all of this I have learned we need to celebrate the little things. I celebrated tonight that my father in law watered my garden for me when he dropped off the girls from soccer, that Coburn's Delivers will drop off my groceries tomorrow morning.  I had some struggles last week, the garage door opener was having issues and I had a flat tire, I tried to stay positive and celebrate that a simple reset for the garage opener and tire patch was all it took. Whew...

Stay focused on the positive things, no matter how big or little they are...you'll be glad you did!



Mother's Day Week

We celebrate Mother's Day at the end of this week...I have a lot of gratitude and love for my Mom. I think this quote capture's the feelings I have looking back on my childhood:

"I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me." Antonia Villaraigosa

I always new my Mom loved me, she still does, says it every time I talk to her. She hugged me frequently as a child and still does every time I see her. I think she rocked me and read me stories till I was almost a teenager. She believed in me. She encouraged me to do anything I was interested in and when things didn't go the way I expected, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, sometimes with a good cry and we moved on. She also sent the BEST letters to me at camp and college and she carries this on by sending my husband a card every week while he is in a different kind of camp!

She encourage me to be involved...just how did she do that? She was involved herself. From taking someone a meal when they were sick or grieving, working the church funerals, teaching Sunday School, volunteering at school and the nursing home,  planting flowers just about everywhere they were needed and hauling me to just about every 4-H function, concert and sporting event. She was there... she was present. That alone made me believe I could do it, whatever it might be.

This week I am honored to be awarded the Annual NW Hennepin Human Services Council "Invest in the NW" Volunteer Award. I couldn't believe another Mom in my life that I look up to so much, Gerry Gibbs with the BPPD (also a Blue Star Mom) would nominate me for this. I am so blessed that Mom and Gerry will be both attending the luncheon with me.  I feel so humbled and honored to get this award because I grew up doing things because they needed to be done and in the spirit of caring. You never did anything to receive the accolades that went with it. That was a very important lesson Mom taught me.

I want to send out a big thank you to some special Mom's in my life. First to the Blue Star Mom's...Military Moms can be the rock for many of us Military Wives. They support us, guide us, and help us raise our children while their father's are off at military training and deployments. I also want to thank the Daycare Mom's and Teacher Mom's... they are pretty amazing too!

Make sure to tell that special "Mom" in your life, thank you this week. You will feel glad you did!